Contractors and Dog Tags

 Leah was 18 when she met Joe. A big, buff black man, army contracts was his profession.  

They have been together for 10 months, hiding their relationship from the outside world when black and white in this area was absurd. Joe was Leah’s first love, she loved him in a way words can not describe. Joe was respectful. He was a very peaceful kind of man, a bit dramatic but Leah loved it about him. She always wanted to feel like in a movie, and these dramatic scenarios, that occurred infrequently, were needed to complete her excitement in this relationship. The touch of his hand was all she ever wanted and needed in life, she missed school, she was barely at home. Blind and bound by his love.

It was an awfully cold and windy night, the first candle of the Hanukkah holiday. Leah wanted to show Joe what it is like to celebrate Hanukkah together for the first time. She bought five different types of donuts and brought them to Joe’s apartment which was not so far from where she lived. It was one of their best experiences. The freezing cold outside the apartment couldn’t penetrate the heat the two spread when they were together. Leah lost the track of time, she completely forgot she was supposed to light the first candle of the holiday with her family. She realized that when the strong sound of a knock on the door filled the room. Leah knew something bad was happening. She was in a constant fear that her family would find out, her father would never forgive. Dating a Christian black man was a sin. The worst scenarios crossed her mind till she heard her biggest dread calling her name outside the door, “Leah!!.....Leah! Open the door! I know you are in there!!!”.

Joe looked at her with despair, not knowing what he is going to face by opening that door. Leah’s eyes filled with tears while Joe took his dog-tags chain off his neck and put it on hers. He made sure her black shirt covered them. The door collapsed by a cop and Leah’s father on his side. The expression on his face made Leah sick, this was her worst nightmare. He grabbed her by the arm while the cop pushed Joe away from their way. There was not a word said, it all happened so quickly.

Leah turned to open her dad’s car, in a constant cry, not being able to think about anything else but the anger that filled her soul. She did not want the family that was waiting for her to light the Hanukkah candles, they couldn’t replace the enormous love she received from Joe. She could not open the car, she knew that if she is going home with her father, she would never see Joe again. She took three steps back and ran back to Joe’s apartment. “If you walk away now, you are not welcomed in our house anymore” her father shouted from behind, killing the silent street. Her eyes were red as the donuts’ jam, she bought earlier, she could hear but not listen, all she wanted was to be back in Joe’s arms and so it was.

That night was something they both wished to forget. They laid in bed facing each other as he caressed her cheek and asked: “are you sure of this Leah? You know that in three months you will have to find a place to stay in”. She held his hand that laid on her cheek and said she knows, she has never been so sure in something as she is now. Their night ended as they made love, kissing and touching every area of each other’s body, breathing each other’s breathe and burying their fingers in the flesh, as this was their very first time.

Three months were well spent, Joe’s contract in Israel was about to expire the next day. They did not waste their time, they made love at least twice a day, Leah cooked and cleaned, and Joe provided her with money for whatever she wished. During their last week together, they mentally prepared themselves for the separation. They played “Don’t Forget to Remember Me“ by T.I on repeat and that made Leah ask, “do you think you gonna forget about me?” Leah asked while sitting on Joe’s lap, looking straight into his eyes. “I never will” he said back, holding his dog-tags which were hanging on Leah’s neck. “You see those” he said, “hold them tight when you miss me, it will give you strength”. “I will find my way to America, when you are done with the contracting, I promise” Leah said back and kissed him firmly, thirsty for his warmth again.

Nothing prepared Leah for the heart break she felt when she dropped Joe off at the train station. Their hug lasted for continuous minutes. She could barely look in his eyes because of the tears that bothered her vision. He left. There was no where to go to, no one to cry to. The sorrow became her best friend.

While going through a severe depression, Leah knew that her family won’t shut the door to her face if she comes back and so she did. She entered the house and did not leave her room for 10 days and just after a month she decided to find a job, though the loneliness and the morning sickness she couldn’t hide anymore made her write this:

“Dear father,

I can’t look you in the eyes for all I put you through, for the million time you were right. He never cared about me, I filled his boredom here in Israel. I was what all the contractors look for. I was nothing more than that. They come and go, not caring about what they are leaving. Joe blocked me anywhere on social media on the night he left, I spent 10 months killing my family for someone who killed me”

Leah’s father finished reading this in a trembling, breaking voice, crushing on his knees, while the paramedics loosed the dog- tags chain around Leah’s neck and determined her death.