My Detested Frost

You chased, you gave, you wanted, you cared, you prayed, breathed, wished, hugged, kissed…

You cried, you broke, you ached, you bit your lip out of the pain you went through, you screamed, you asked- “what is wrong with me?”

“Why do I deserve this?”

“What am I doing wrong?”

From the dark, cold winter to the beginning of the flourishing spring. You changed as the leaves. Vulnerability to stability, paleness to colorful, wrinkle to softness.

You stood there, whirlwind moving your hair, clothes, values. You did not blink. Your hands spread to the sides, welcoming. The cold wind penetrates everything. Your skin pores, your ears, mind, soul. You are cold, paralyzed inside. You hated to feel this way, but you were helpless.

And when it is over, you hear birds’ songs, the air is filled with blossoming roses’ scent. Sun touches your skin and you are breathing again. Sun gives you hope, melting the icebergs that were left in you from the passing winter. Cheeks turning reddish and so does your heart. From the embracing new breeze.

Although it is spring now, cold air comes and goes, cutting you like a knife. Reminding you it is always there.

Who let you in Frost? Your time has passed.

Lucy

You have a real fine girlfriend. She is everything you have ever wished for. She has long black hair, soft skin, long legs. Her beautiful tits are what make you lucky in life and her ass is all you ever needed. She is completely loyal to you, she would kiss you and tell you how much she needs you all the time. She dedicates her time, energy, efforts, and neediness all for you. She is a walking piece of heaven, you have been blessed. But when the two of you walk together and pass by other males, she would lower her tight shirt’s zipper to expose more of her solid, jutting tits. She would look at the floor, not making eye contact with the other men but she makes sure you see them drool. She would stick out her ass when you two standing and other men pass by. She would move her hair from one side to the other, over and over again. She would send you a screenshot of other men's comments on her sexy photos on Instagram just to show you that her "battery is about to die". She would make a good impression on your homies just so they “like her so much, maybe you should share”, your homie winks.

But you just stand there and wonder, why does she try so hard. 

Off-Target

I was waiting for the nine o’clock train to Tel Aviv. Right next to me I saw a well-built, young soldier, with a giant gun lying between his thighs. A long red Pringles tin was held in his left hand while his right hand was all the way inside it. I was sure it reached the bottom of the tin. I realized I was staring.

“Want one?” the lad’s right hand was now out of the tin, tilting it towards my direction with a sexy smirk on his face.

“ah, no. Thank you!” I said, blushing, but managing to show a soft smile.

He had the kindest eyes, a countenance of a strong but somewhat playful man.

“Where are you heading to?” he attempted to strike a conversation.

“Just Tel Aviv, to do some shopping and walking around” I said back while looking at his wrinkled uniform. I assumed he must not have a girlfriend, maybe not even a mother.

“What about you? Heading home from the base?” I almost forgot how to communicate.

He would laugh at everything I said. He kept on chuckling as if I was telling a joke and he was enjoying himself.

“Yeah, I have a month off” he said back. His voice was manly, thick, and pleasant.

“What's your job?” I was curious to know. I didn't know a lot about guns, but I could see that the one that laid there was one of a kind.

“I am a sniper, of a special unit” he said, as if he loved the sound of it, but didn't try to boast as he moved his eyes trying not to look straight into mine.

“That's impressive. Are you any good at it?” I asked back, trying to give him some confidence in his words. Though I liked to see how shy he was for talking about himself so much.

“I like to think I am pretty accurate…” he laughed slightly, lowering his gaze down to the Pringles tin in his hand. I let him lead the conversation because I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

The sniper and I were the same age but for some reason, it felt like we had a wide gap between us.

“This is my stop,” I smiled as I grabbed my bag to leave.

“This my number, maybe we can hang out or something?” Of course, he chuckled again as he handed me a perfectly clean white piece of paper with a number on it.

We managed to talk everyday all day for two or so weeks. Our communication was constant, sharing photos, daily activities, we knew all about each other’s routine.

Our first date was simple and amusing. We concluded we like being in each other’s company, I saw a spark that started the fire of love- which led us to many more meetings.

We were sexually hungry for one another. We made love that set us on fire and caused us feel heat waves all over where our bodies touched. He used to bury his hands deep in my skin, holding me fiercely, without the pause of a second. His hard kisses turned into the bites of a starving man, he moved so passionately that I could see the hunger in his eyes, the kind you wouldn't expect to see on a patient sniper.

I thought I had made him softer, but my relationship with him barely held for a month. They say never expect anything from anyone, but when you love someone you naturally expect love from them, but it did not happen. We were sculpted from different materials. I was fire and he was stone, I pulled closer and he drew backwards because he did not let anybody step into his private world. He didn't know how to embrace what I was giving.

 When a sniper is revealed he is weakened. He can hurt you and reach to you only when he is disguised, then when I tried to reveal his emotions he pushed back.

“You are too much, you give too much, and you ask for things I am incapable of giving you. Haha” this was one of his last messages, he was devastatingly accurate, and I have realized, this sniper is disguised too well.

I spent months eating Pringles straight from the tin, recalling my salty memories with the sniper to whom I was too warm. I hated the fact that I was too much for a man. I hated being so extroverted for such an introverted person. He made me feel like a crazy person but as a matter of fact after thinking for so long, I was not. I just needed somebody to love but our definitions of the word “love” …were completely different.

Five years later, a risky army operation that required all the special combat units to get to the border was announced everywhere. Back then, I was already married to a great man. My life was pretty peaceful, the way it was before that day at the train station. I had a beautiful daughter-Genesis, to whom I had unconditional love for. I moved to Tel Aviv with my husband after we got married and our life put me at comfort. I became an English teacher, just like I always wanted. I was happy in my world after learning so much from my actual experiences. I spent time with my family with whom I had a reciprocated relationship.

But the day of the annunciation of the operation made me uneased. I was home with Genesis- the TV was on, screening the news- following the military chief announcing the main goals of this operation. I was concerned and focused on the news when I thought I heard hesitated knocks on the front door.

I asked Genesis to get it.

“Mom…. “she pronounced it longer than usual.

I came to the door to see the sniper standing there wearing his war uniform, which I never thought could be any more wrinkled than the time I saw him wearing it on the train. He did not look so well. He grew some beard, his eyes looked as if something was shut down in him. He gulped as he moved his eyes from little Genesis to look at me. I was paralyzed for that very moment, I just stood there frozen, in my own house. All I needed was to see his face again to remember, everything came back to me. A tear ran down my cheek, but it was not right, so I quickly wiped it off.

He was a good sniper, but this time he missed the target.